Tiredness and Confidence
When I'm tired I just have no belief in myself
The ups and downs of life. About a week ago I Was feeling so shit about work, I felt as though I was getting no direction and I’d gone through a fourth job interview (4!) and wasn’t that confident about it. I was feeling as though I’ll never get anywhere, professionally, and I’m meandering through life in a career that I wasn’t enjoying. I needed to get it off my chest and started writing;
In a way I feel less qualified than I ever have before. I’m not sure if it’s a confidence thing, a tired thing or I’m genuinely not qualified.
Stepping through this, logically;
Confidence. I’ve had 18 years experience in IT and tech, so there’s some genuine real world experience, I’ve done heaps of varied and cool stuff and been part of some great teams, heck, I’ve even led some. Why is that I have no problems with small talk at the start of meetings but when it comes to the actual meeting I clam up and say little?
Tired. 4 kids, both my wife and I working full time, no grandparents to help out, a full social calendar, kids sports, keeping fit and healthy, the constant loads of washing, a kitchen renovation which has upended everything, a garden that needs a butt load of work… I mean I could go on, but I think you get the idea.
Qualified. Touched on in the first point. I’ve done so much and have so much knowledge to draw on yet I still struggle with answering questions that I should know answers to or I don’t articulate myself well. I look at other people I work with and see how capable they are and I’m not feeling like I’m on that level.
In retrospect, I think point two is the most likely culprit. There’s always so much going on in our life and just finding the time for anything is typically a struggle, working out how to prioritise things is a challenge. I feel less tired this week, despite the fact that I did my first ever half marathon on Sunday (humble brag?) and have no kitchen. My outlook has improved and my confidence is up. Things at work have settled down and there’s finally some direction. The feedback I received from the interviews was great and I wish I’d recorded the call for times when I doubt myself. They thought I was too good for the position I’d applied for and subsequently offered me a more senior position.
It’s incredible how being tired can really impact you in SO many ways, it’s hard to even recognise that you feel so shit because of it. I tend to track a few metrics through my watch and have found it interesting that my recovery scores that last few days have been higher than normal. The app I use, Athlytic only really gives a history of the last 7 days, but essentially most days last week were in the yellow (recovering), with Friday being the exception. Green meaning you’re “ready to train”. This is all based on an algorithm calculating your Heart Rate Variability, Resting Heart Rate and Sleep rating, the same concept to what the Whoop strap offers without a monthly subscription. Monday makes sense to me after the big run and then Tuesday and Wednesday suggest I’m in a good space… and mentally, I feel it, I’m in a better mood and have more energy.
My sleep has been consistent over the past week, averaging around 8hours each night and the Health app on iOS, backs that up.
It’s nice to have some metrics to look at and at least try to understand but I’m still at odds to see what the difference is between last week and this week. If anything, I should be feeling more fatigued this week? Was I eating less last week? Stats from the Alfred app suggest that I’m hitting my goals, I’ve been pretty vigilant in getting to that little box goal. I guess it just comes down to being busy? WHO KNOWS!
Anyway, data and apps aside the fact remains that my confidence in myself takes a massive hit when I’m tired and I’m grateful to at least be aware of that. I think I need to take the time to really take note of the tired, the activities I’ve been doing, what’s going on in life, work stuff, personal stuff, the types of workouts I’m doing, my hydration levels and so on. It's a lot to wrap my head around and perhaps I’m adding to my already full plate. Ugh. Life, so busy!
Love to hear if you’ve got any thoughts or experiences.
Tired the bane of my existence. Good read my friend!
Who needs a kitchen anyway? 😀